What is nothingness? Is it not to bleed while your body is trembling with wound? Is it not laughing when the clown just slipped by steeping on a peel of banana? Is it regardless of what happens around you, you just feel nothing at all? Yes, that sounds about right.
For me, sometimes, this is a virtue. Because the absurdity of this world weighs me down, and by feeling nothing I can be relieved for once. The weight, only if momentary, is lifted from my shoulders. But it comes at a price, my mind invites a daze and my thinking is covered in dense fog. I have little energy for productive tasks. Even to pull myself to write this blog was a difficult task. Breathing through such moment, I ask myself, why are we still here? What do we achieve by staying in this planet? But let’s not go into that.
It becomes quite normal not to be excited by anything in such state. You may lie in bed, scrolling through social media, and picture yourself riding along the hills traveling to nowhere, leaving behind your troubles. I feel you, I do the same. We search for a way out of this. We may exercise, have a conversation, go out, or engage ourselves in any activity that we think will make us better. While this be could be true, it is very hard to build the courage to start the activity. Starting is the most difficult part of this process.
As we’re in this phase, thinking or worrying about some random stuff can also be natural. Like today, I am having trouble in accepting the fact that, since I took a leave, I missed out on whatever happened on my absence. Even worse when, somebody calls you and says, ‘you missed out on this today,’ like bro, just chill, okay? I don’t want to hear it. All in all, this is not depression. This is not any mental problem, (Nepalese parents breathes a sigh of relief) Dad, if you’re reading this, don’t worry I’m not insane. This is just a phase, and it will pass.
Good day!
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